thanks

Yes, I knew everything gonna happen this way in the begining,
now it's like this,
and I can't do a thing about it... life is just damn...

Trying my best to live like before,
Smile like always,
talkative, hyper-active...

even though there's time where I might still need to stay quiet.
to concentrate thinking what else that I should do to stay strong.

Friends...? I was blind before.
But I'm not now,
I just found out that, there're still some of my friends that always with me,
even though I always just damn doesn't care about any of my friends sometimes,
I hate this me sometimes, I should'd treat my friends better...

thanks, to all passers-by,
thanks, to those that likes me.
thanks, to my friends,
thanks, to those that hate me,
thanks, everyone...

My father is having High-blood pressure,
I'm not a doctor, can't do a thing about it.
feeling useless when I can't do any help about this situation...
am worried... and hoping that I won't cause any burden to him.
I will try my best to keep myself up, won't be asking for money.
thanks...

RyoichiZB

Regrets...?

If we can return back to the time where she doesn't know anything,
I won't say that any more.

That's the reason that changes everything,
I hate everything happen this way.

I failed.
Yeah, I've failed.
It's the first time ever I drop till this point.
It's the first time ever I felt this disappointment.

I regret every path that I've taken,
I hate this kind of me surviving in this planet.
Sometimes it felt like the world would be better if I disappeared.

I think my body can't withstand to these any more.
My nose, heart-beat and even my stomach is not like before any more.
I hate the way I talk.
I hate the eyesight from everyone.

Seriously, I wasn't trying to be cocky or what.
To tell the truth, I'm jealous.
I'm jealous to the way she treated any one besides me.
yeah, ANY one.
Maybe, I'm just damn tired.

Perhaps making myself away from anything about her it's better.
But no matter how much she hate me,
I can't change the fact I fall for her.

I hate my life being this way.
FML

whenever she is away, I felt like "foreveralone.jpg"
accidentally fell too deep making me tired.


RyoichiZB

我到底怎么了？

有时还真的蛮希望自己再笨一点…

可是我能做的只是装笨…

明明就是知道，却假装不知道…

然后特地去问一些问题来看对方会不会说谎，

原来我那么的不相信别人。

不管是谁都好。

也许是因为曾经被骗。

也许是因为曾经受伤。

天蝎的第六感最强？

关于这方面我还蛮信的。

没有心情去聊天，

也没有心情去做功课，

很想把所有的事都放弃。

我压力很大吗？

但是当我认真去想的时候，

还有很多比我压力更大的人坚持着。

一直说要搬家，

都不知道搬得成吗……

已经卖了，但买的还没拿到，

会不会就这样无家呢？

努力的把身体弄得健康点，

但好像越来越差了。

难道……真的是鼻窦？

RyoichiZB

Starting point?

It was just like, even we are together,
I can't give her any happiness in life...
Trying my very best to forget...
I know I'm just useless there...

Alcohol made me drunk,
it's the first time I drunk,
Thanks for inviting me for the heavy alcohol session,
I was able to forget every single hard moment of my life...
I had release all the stresses and pain...
even though it was seems like yesterday...
I like the way I felt that moment...

there's too much lies between...
Not that I don't trust,
It's like, the truth is there, and she still lies...
Okay, just once okay, twice okay... tenth okay... 20,21,22...
Okay, telling myself that there must be something else happen that's why she lies
Okay, there isn't... Alright.... fine...
It's like when there's something someone hate, there's many reason saying no.
And I was like giving all sorts of reasons telling myself that, those ARE real.
And after concluding, I was just fucking waste of my time... It's fine.... I'm totally fine :)

Too much things in mind made me unable to sleep well...
I would like someone to care about what I felt...
And I know no one cares...
Perhaps my mask was wearing too thigh...
unable to release any more.

I guess my life has just went to a end point and also another starting point.
I would like someone that can understand my feeling.
and I haven't find that someone yet..
But I have already changed to another level of myself,
thanks...
I wouldn't easily accept, but I won't reject as well...
Capable opening my door, my life's yours.

Dream continues,
Life continues...

RyoichiZB

Ending?

Yeah, I walk alone... so what...?

After long consideration,
"Yes, I should do something for myself..."
"Yeah, It's hard to choose what I should do..."
"Face Your Fear and doubts, a new world will open to you..."
This is life...

Just realize there's no need for one to show how much love is...
Just observing and seeing her happy, is all I need...
I doesn't wish anything anymore,
I know I can't give anything she want...
I'm just another passer-bys...
Even if we get together, there'll not be any "happy" within us.

life is just hard, it's just fucked sometimes..
but when one think using a proper way...
life is simple... Just need to know when to let go...
There's no need for me to tell her I care...
even if I really does, what's the usage?

Silence is a very good start sometimes...
Coz I really doesn't know how to start a proper chat with anyone...
Yeah, lots hate me.
so what? I just need few real one.

Tears? It's just stupid to fall for someone... anyone...
Yeah, I'm stupid.

Change? Yeah, I think I need that.
For her...? somehow all the time yes...
Does this worth? Not at all....
Even I really succeeded...
It's still all goes the same way...
respect any choices she choose, is what I capable doing...

Doing so much?
somehow, everyone just told me I did all those that I shouldn't
I guess I'm just merely infatuation.

Wishes all the best.
steadily showing the best situation to everyone...

RyoichiZB

我不脆弱

面具戴的越来越紧……
越来越不像自己了……
开始不知道怎么样了……
好累好累……
但是在别人面前还是只能坚强点……
不能让任何人看见我的脆弱……
绝对不能……

RyoichiZB

让我爱她

他，他，他，他，她，她和她

都叫我不要继续下去了。
他说　继续下去也不会有结果的。

他说　为何要为一朵花放弃整个森林。

他说　不要浪费青春。

他说　除了她，还有她，她，她和她都很好啊。

她说　这样会很辛苦的。

她说　她不会喜欢你的。

但他，他，他和她

觉得　我应该继续下去。

他说　不要天天都找她。

他说　男生本来都是笨的啦。

他说　身为一个男生要有耐心。

她说　男生不主动，就是没有用。

对不起我是笨蛋，
对不起我是傻瓜，
对不起我没办法放下，
对不起……
我弄到她不开心了……

心很痛，很内疚，
即使说一百次对不起，
即使她说原谅我了，
我还是原谅不了自己。

你们闹够了没？
爱一个人已经那么累……

续……

RyoichiZB

八月 —— 日记

我发现到
我早就输了…但是却不认输…
不管多么伤心…都不能让别人知道…
要了解…该关心自己的人只有自己了……
醒一醒吧…
不能哭，不管有多么的伤心都不能哭…
我累了，休息时间也牺牲了…
睡不着的我，也因为太累而睡着了…
我没有盼望着任何回报…
因为我是个笨蛋…
笑吧，除了笑还是要笑…
被讨厌了，还是要笑…
面对压力，还是要笑…
人生就是要笑…… : D

RyoichiZB

Welcome to my life...

我发现到
有时　自己很没有上进心，
有时　觉得自己很懒，
有时　会害怕自己的实力，
有时　很厉害说谎，
有时　想说的往往都不是说出来的，
有时　自己真的很多嘴，
有时　会害怕孤单，
有时　需要人陪，
有时　觉得自己很自私，
有时　觉得自己做得太多多余的事，
有时　真的只是想要找一找自己想念的人
有时　问很多多余的事，
有时　自己真的很笨，
有时　我真的很累了，
有时　我想睡也睡不到，
有时　会害怕自己实现不了承诺，
有时　会想起我爱的人，
有时　真的很脆弱，
有时　会很想哭，
有时　也会不小心哭，
有时　觉得自己不够成熟，
有时　觉得自己真的很讨人厌，
有时　病了希望有人发现到，
有时　很会逞强，
有时　真的太在意别人的看法
有时　不知道自己为什么要这样，
有时　希望有人了解我
其实没有人了解我

觉得自己很过份……
好讨厌这样的自己……
我明明就累得要死，
但是到家了躺在床上还是…
一直望着天花板…

好想把自己关在房间里，
不要出去… 好想就一直呆在家里…
觉得慢慢的自己已经不再是自己了，
我已经再也看不见当初的自己了……

我错了，我明白了，
我知道我不可以这样执著…
我知道有些东西是不能逼…
真的很对不起，
我真的不想这样的…
对不起…

我明白我好像只是写给自己看
但我想说的是，
其实心情不好的时候，我驾车会比较危险的…
因为驾车的时候都在想…

我不应该这样，我知道，
我…有时不知道自己到底为什么这样…
发现到很多事情的场面都是我在控制着，
有时我早已经有了决定，
但会不想是那个做决定的，
虽然是这样，通常决定权往往还是我，

我真的很累，
我真的很希望有人可以关心我，
但我讨厌同情，
我宁愿自己一个人…

对不起，我的不完美让很多人都不开心了…

No, you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
You don't know what it's like to be like me
To be hurt
To feel lost
To be left out in the dark
To be kick
When you're down
To feel like you've been push around
To be on the edge of  breaking down
And no one's there to save you
No, you don't know what it's like
Welcome to my life...
　　　　　　　　　　也许不久后，我就不在了。
完　　　　　　　　　　　也许这样会更好。

RyoichiZB

Untitled

我真的很累了，
越来越多的问题，
方法虽然也许还找不到，
也许也没有人在关心自己，
但是该面对的还是要面对。

我很埋怨自己为什么就是没有办法把事情都说出来，
我一直在制造机会，让自己有机会说出，
但一而再，再而三的被无视，
不想放弃却又找不到开头，
所以乱说了，但又被无视了，
希望着自己能说出想说的，
所以又再次的开始话题，
做了一大堆小动作，
但原来都是多余的，
写那么多东西上去，
分享了那么多的东西，
希望着有人看到，
希望着有人能问，
那样我就可以说出来了。
但是   没有…一直都是这样…
我不想要这样子的生活，
我的很累，
我找不到可以让我把事情说出来的人。
面具都戴得很好，很好。
说真的其实我真的好想哭，
为什么我总是那么的脆弱……

我们都不能哭，
为什么呢？
生活你得活着啊，
活着就得乐。
伤心真的没必要。
我们快快乐乐地，
乐乐呵呵的过着每一天
这才是生活啊…

但是……我到底怎么了？

我知道你不在乎，没关系…
我知道我是多余的，没有了也没关系。
但我还是很在乎你的感受
对不起……

也许就这样死了更好，反正都是迟早的事
If I'm gone, what will happen?
Can anyone record it and let me watch it at the other world?
RyoichiZB